12 noon: Service ends
12:30 p.m. All guests have arrived at reception location
12:30-1:30 p.m. Cocktail hour
1:30-5:30 p.m. Party
Of course, this changes depending on:
What time your service ends. Ask your synagogue if there will be any other events, such as a pre-wedding aufruf or baby naming, during the service. One or two can shift your end time back as much as 30 minutes -- information your caterer, DJ, bus driver and parents doing pick-up definitely need to know.
How far your reception is from your synagogue, factoring in traffic, weather and unforseen obstacles like parades and street fairs. Most city websites list event like these.
Events During the Party
Most parties last roughly four hours. During this time you can include or exclude any of the following formalities and events you wish:
Jewish/Israeli dancing
Chair-lifting of the B Mitzvah child, parent(s)and/or sibling
Challah blessing and cutting
Grand entrance for tween
Grand entrance for parent(s), sibling(s) and/or grandparent(s)
Candlelighting
B Mitzvah child's speech to guests
Parent(s) speech to guests
Sibling(s) speech to guests
Grandparent(s) speech to guests
Photo or video montage
Tween-oriented games
Dance set for adults
The template that seems to create the warmest, liveliest party is one that starts off with a vigorous round of Jewish dancing and chair-lifting. For many kids, it's a highlight of the party and they just can't wait to get right to it. For adults, the experience of being in temple is still fresh in their hearts and minds; doing the dance associated with Jewish roots feels right thematically and emotionally. And from a sociological point-of-view, it creates a warm and fuzzy feeling of communality, which helps your party cohere and glow. (Yes, parties can glow!) If you're planning on doing the "Grand Entrances" the best time is usually right before the set of Jewish dances. This way, the focus shifts from the individual to the group; the energy shifts from sedate to energized as everyone applauds and feels primed to jump up and celebrate as one.
After a hearty Hora or two, your guests are usually more than ready to sit down and have a drink. This is when your caterer should serve the first course and the DJ/band should play music softly in the background. The tweens are usually raring to go much sooner than the adults, so the DJ should be ready with a game or two to keep them happy. Once most of the adults have finished their first course, the DJ can being the second phase of the party. It's up to you whether it's another round of dancing or formalities such as the speeches and blessing over the challah.
Here's an informative video:
